Oh. My. God.

Big brother has turned into 'People on the Toilet'.

I could leave it there, but I'm not going to. Michelle is seriously scary. The moment when she said of Stuart "He'd better shed a tear for me" before reaching up to the screen with a plaintive "Chicken" sent shivers up my spine.

Emma is just plain thick though. She has the reading age of a junior school child, which is why she is always given the laminates from Big Brother to read. It is toe curlingly embarrassing to watch but even that doesn't compare to watching her jumping on the bed and screaming like an over exited toddler, or even falling out of her top several times.

To quote one example :

Michelle: "If Big Brother deems your work satisfactory and you abide by the rules you will re-enter the house at Big Brother's discretion."

Emma: "What does that mean?"

Michelle: "It means if we abide by the rules we'll go in there at their discretion."

Emma: "Right."

More interesting though is the game playing in the main house. There are two main factions : Marco's harem and Jason's league of heterosexual gentlemen. Dan is the wild card playing both sides against each other. They've come as close as they can to discussing nominations without actually naming names, but I think this is a good thing. After all, the nominations themselves are secret (unless they let Emma and Michelle see them) so people can make all sorts of promises to build up alliances and then break them when the time is right.

I've not played Diplomacy for a while, but one of my best games saw me as Turkey allied with Austria - an unlikely partnership at best. I encouraged him to move north whilst I moved fleets through the med to attack France. I kept assuring him that I was only interested in a draw to prove that a Austro-Turk alliance could work, and so he left his southern border undefended. At the critical moment I had enough armies on hand to smash through the Balkans and win the game outright.

Who in BB5 has the right killer instinct? What will happen when Emma and Michelle return? How will the next set of nominations go?