The Book of Jamus

1. In the year of our LORD two thousand and four a mighty deluge was inflicted upon the tribe of Hopkins, in the land of Burncross.
2. For lo, Jamus son of Jan, hadst been in the bath and by swimming up and down hadst visited the waters upon the floor of the bathroom, even unto the furthest corners.
3. In his shame, Jamus didst not confess his sin and tried to conceal it from the eyes of the LORD.
4. The following morning, the LORD was going about his business in a mysterious way, collecting the clothing that had been strewn hither and yon by the children of the LORD when he didst notice something passing strange.
5. "Why do these towels wringeth with water, even the large beach towel, and why art the spare toilet rolls in a state of watery decay?"
6. The LORD didst call Jamus to account, and he didst confess what had transpired.
7. The LORD waxed wroth and was mightily tempted to smite Jamus upon his fundament, but in his mercy he didst banish him to his room, yea even until the very last building block and manuscript had been moved from the floor to their appointed places.
8. The LORD then repaired the damage wrought by the waters and walked in the woods of Foxfield whilst he pondered the nature of family life, and lo his temper was assuaged.
9. The LORD didst return to his dwelling place for a nice cup of tea and to write his holy scriptures, that are known as The Blog.
10. And it was good.