Foxfield

Spencers

2004-11-03T11:25:00.000Z

Cookham in Bucks is the birthplace of Sir Stanley Spencer and the home of the Spencer Gallery located in the chapel that he used to be taken to as a child. It's a charming little village on the banks of the Thames, a couple of miles away from Bourne End where our head office is based.

Last night I stayed at Spencers Hotel (shown here in 1897 when it was the White Hart during a flood), at the far end of Cookham High Street, and rather nice it was too. It's a a very friendly pub that serves some of the best food in the locality and the menus can be seen chalked up round the bar and along the various beams. There's a good variety, although not a huge selection for vegetarians it has to be said. I had a Peppered Goat's Cheese and Spinach Timbale which was a very reasonable £9.50 and left me too full to be tempted by any of the traditional puddings on offer. They also do a huge number of sizzling steaks if that is what floats your culinary boat, and other more exotic dishes and some interesting oddities like Cumberland Bangers with Garlic Mash and Russian Roulette Jalapeno peppers in breadcrumbs and cream cheese (you get six, and one of them is *hot*). There wasn't a huge selection of beer, but the Greene King IPA was well kept and very drinkable.

The accommodation is clean and comfortable, but for £55 for bed and breakfast you can't really complain. They'd had a problem with the loo in my room, and Les behind the bar was despatched to B&Q where he failed to find the necessary attachment for the ballcock. I had enough water for one flush in the morning, but even given that minor hassle I'd much rather stay there than at some anonymous Holiday Inn or Travelodge somewhere.

Recommended if you ever in the vicinity and in need of somewhere to eat or sleep within reach of the M4 or M40. Booking in advance on 01628 522793 is advisable though.

4000 words down on the NaNoWriMo, and the plot is starting to come together. I'm not entirely sure where the story is heading, and it might run out of steam. I'll put the links to it in a couple of days if I keep the momentum going on it.

Going South

2004-11-02T14:06:00.000Z

Up at a quarter to six this morning, and amazingly Alicia didn't need much more prompting than her usual cup of coffee which gave us plenty of time to get her to the bus stop for the early school bus, and for me to turn around and join the slow flowing queue of traffic on the M1. I feel a little like Reggie Perrin continually complaining about the improbable hold ups on his journey to work, but this morning there was a four mile queue at Chesterfield due to an accident on the other side of the road, and then a rather nasty smash between a lorry and a car transporter caused a snarl up somewhere around junction 18.

I eventually got to Bourne End for just past eleven, but even so I managed to cover every issue that I needed to discuss with the programmer working on the timesheets project before lunch time. I suppose he might need some more input from me before he goes on holiday for two weeks tomorrow, but really there was no need for the mad panic to get here when we could have had a meeting in Birmingham instead.

I can get some more work done on the query tools for my copy of the database this afternoon and tomorrow, and then hopefully sneak off relatively early whilst it is still light.

Busy

2004-11-01T21:25:00.000Z

Blogging for the next month is likely to be perfunctory for the following reasons :

- NaNoWriMo 2000 words down, 48000 to go, I'll link to it when I've got a bit more done. Scribble.
- Rapier training, I've just got back from Monday night training, and we've got another six hour workshop with Professor Mark Donelly (swoon!) on Saturday. I think I'm going to send off for a 37" practical rapier. Swash.
- Work. I'm working away from home one night a week for the next three weeks. Bourne End tomorrow, and a stupidly early start. Sob.
- Halo 2. Just over a week to go. Fret.
- Grand Theft Auto. I've been playing Vice City again and now own my very own lap dancing club. I may never leave the house again. Retro.

In other news, I've been asked to take part in a documentary on Happiness, just when the clocks go back and I'm miserable for the lack of sunlight. What are the chances of that happening, eh?

2004-10-31T19:03:00.000Z

Aaaargh!!!!

Dark Skies

2004-10-31T17:18:00.000Z

Well, it's a little after five o'clock and it's pitch black outside. Give me back my sunshine!

Melancholy

2004-10-30T15:50:00.000+01:00

It's been a strange week, all told. I feel an air of melancholy, in the sense of pensive sadness. The death of John Peel, and the subsequent tributes that I have read and listened too, have set in perspective the other travails of the week. The mist outside has persisted for the whole day, and I know that the clocks going back tonight will through my body clock out of kilter for several months until the days start to lengthen again.

I feel like I've not done much with my week off, other than potter round the house and play video games, but I think that on the whole I have needed the time to catch up on my sleep and allow myself time to read and reflect a little. I've got an idea and a framework for my NaNoWriMo contribution but I don't know if I can stretch it to 50,000 words, or indeed if I can write a convincing female character.

We shall, as I am famously wont to say, see ...

Hanging on the telephone

2004-10-29T16:43:00.000+01:00

I thought I'd give the CSA a ring this afternoon to see what was happening with the case. Only problem was, I didn't know the number for the CSA Belfast office. I googled for it and after trawling through a couple of pages found a likely looking number, so I rang it.

"Your call is being held in a queue - please hold on"

Oh, great. I drummed my fingers for a while and read some newsgroups, and after ten minutes I got through to a real person.

"Can I take your reference number, please?"

I told him that I didn't have a reference number, and could I please speak to Simon who called me the other day. Presumably there is only one Simon working for the CSA, or he is well known in CSA call center circles, as he hadn't told me his surname.

"I can't do that I'm afraid. Can I take your National Insurance number and I'll try to look up your case with that"

I duly told him, and after a while the case came up on the screen as being closed.

"Are you sure?" I asked him, resisting the temptation to add "Cos it'll be a right kerfuffle if you've got the wrong one". Of course, after a little detective work it turns out that he was looking at the original case on the old system which was closed six years ago.

"You've come through to the wrong department", he told me, "Where did you get this number from - you want the CS2 new client team".

"I didn't realize there was a difference - it was the only number I could find. Can't you transfer me?"

You could almost hear him sigh and mouth the words "Computer says no". How could a sophisticated, high tech call center be expected to transfer a call from one department to another? I'd be asking for the moon on a stick next.

So, I had another number to call.

This one sounded a bit different. The automated voice wasn't Irish for a start and there was a convoluted sequence of button presses including star keys, hashes, button 1 to confirm, my NI number, date of birth, shoe size and inside leg measurement to prove my identity.

Hopefully, I thought, they'll get me through to the right place straight away. No such luck.

"You are being held in a queue"

Seventeen minutes later, and I get through to somebody who looks up my case, and obviously has got the original details again and is about to direct me back to the first department.

"No, it's a new case - I just wanted to check if you had heard anything from the Sheffield benefit office yet? I really don't want to have to fill in a Maintenance Enquiry Form when I don't have to seeing as I am not a Non Resident Parent"

He says that I need to ring the local benefit office again to see what they are doing, so I do so.

Only a four minute wait this time (hurrah for the Sheffield benefit office!) and the nice young man agrees to phone the CSA to let them know that there shouldn't be a case, and let me know in writing when he has done so.

Why do I get the sinking feeling that this is going to be an ongoing saga?

I ache therefore I am

2004-10-28T21:03:00.000+01:00

Following the stresses of yesterday, predictably enough I didn't sleep very well and woke up with my shoulder aching once more. Some ibuprofens and a cod liver oil tablet eased it somewhat, but it's been a strange day. Still, there's not a whole lot I can do about it, other than to try and destress in the usual sort of ways. I worked off a bit of anger by re-visiting Vice City, hijacking a tank and flattening a military convoy. That'll teach them to tell me to step away from the vehicle ...

Titan

2004-10-28T17:03:00.000+01:00

I don't know about you, but the latest pictures of Titan from Cassini-Huygens are quite simply the most astonishing that I have ever seen. It is awe iinspiring to see the surface of a completely alien world through the mists that have kept it hidden until now.

Movies in 30 seconds

2004-10-27T08:34:00.000+01:00

Go and have a look at this site for some rather amusing animated versions of classic movies including Jaws and Alien, recreated in just 30 seconds. By bunnies.

John Peel

2004-10-26T14:13:00.000+01:00

I've just read on the BBC News site that John Peel has died of a heart attack whilst on holiday in Peru. This news has really knocked me sideways, and I can't quite believe that I won't hear his voice on Saturday mornings any more, or even rhapsodising over some new record that has caught his imagination on one of his Radio One shows. Radio is the most intimate medium by far. I usually listen when I am alone in the car, or perhaps when I'm in the bathroom or doing the washing up in the kitchen. There is not the same artifice as with the television - legend has it that BBC news readers used to put on formal dress suits for reading the news, but with John Peel you always had the feeling that he was presenting the show in a comfy jumper and an old pair of jeans.

He will be missed.

ColorQuiz

2004-10-26T13:53:00.000+01:00

Following this link from Billy took me to a personality quiz based on choosing 'colors' (presumably it's Merkin in origin). I was expecting the usual result from personality tests of this sort - you know the sort of thing 'You are Xander from Buffy the Vampire Slayer' or 'Your Halloween treat is an apple with a razorblade in it' - but this test was spookily accurate.

Here is what it said about me:

Your Existing Situation

Orderly, methodical, and self-contained. Needs the respect, recognition, and understanding of those close to him.

Your Stress Sources

Has an unsatisfied need to ally himself with others whose standards are as high as his own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates him and inhibits his readiness to give himself freely. While he wants to surrender and let himself go, he regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, he feels, will lift him above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense.

Wants to broaden his fields of activity and insists that his hopes and ideas are realistic. Distressed by the fear that he may be prevented from doing what he wants; needs both peaceful conditions and quiet reassurance to restore his confidence.

Your Desired Objective

Considers the existing circumstances disagreeable and over-demanding. Refuses to allow anything to influence his point of view.

Your Actual Problem

The need for esteem--for the chance to play some outstanding part and make a name for himself--has become imperative. He reacts by insisting on being the center of attention, and refuses to play an impersonal or minor role.

Snake!

2004-10-25T09:59:00.000+01:00

Last night I awoke at some unearthly hour to see a large python sinuously coil itself over my leg. I sat upright in bed, barely able to speak other than to croak in a terrified squeak "Snake!". Jan woke up at this point too, and said something like "Oh god, not again" and went downstairs to sleep on the sofa.

Of course, there wasn't really a snake there. I had been having a very lucid (and probably freudian) dream after watching Predator on dvd (and the last 20 minutes again on tv), woken up and in my sleep befuddled, short sighted daze interpreted the pattern of brown and cream circles on the blanket at the end of the bed as some sort of scaly creature seeking to crush me where I lay. I've had these sort of dreams before. I am very short sighted and when I wake up there is a brief moment where my brain struggles to make sense of the visual jumble that my eyes are feeding it.

I can vividly remember waking up one Christmas Eve as a child to see Santa Claus standing by my door. I was terrified, partly by the prospect of a stranger in my room but mostly by the thought that if he realized I was awake I wouldn't get any presents. I lay quietly for what seemed an eternity, hardly daring to breath, until the dawn light started to filter into the room and suddenly the patterns of light and shade shifted and I realized that the cloaked figure was actually my dressing gown hanging on the door handle.

In my old house there was the time that I awoke to see a doorway to a parallel dimension opening in the wall at the foot of my bed. I could just see an outline of the door as brilliant, blinding light spilled through the crack. I fumbled for my glasses as the door snapped shut and I put the bedside light on. My heart was racing and I felt as if I had witnessed some sort of genuine paranormal revelation. It took me a while to figure out that the mirror on the wall must have caught the reflection of the 500 watt halogen security light on the house opposite that had filtered through a gap in the curtains.

Oh, and we won't mention the incident of the tentacles on the ceiling or the mechanical butterflies on the duvet.

Maybe this is a common phenomenon that might explain why some people are convinced that they have seen ghosts and the like. The expression "I couldn't believe my eyes" has some truth behind it. Our brains do an awful lot of processing of the raw visual signals that get sent along the optic nerve before we actually see an image and interpret it. Optical illusions prove how easy it is to trick us into seeing something that is not actually there - coupled with a dream fugue or (as with ghost spotters and ufo hunters) a propensity to want to see something gives rise to the most convincing illusions.

Either that, or I'm going mental.

Wings of War

2004-10-24T22:00:00.000+01:00

I don't buy all that many video games. I'm am invariably cautious in my purchases - I will umm and ahh for ages, read reviews and comparative scores, look for comments and opinions on newsgroups and then wait until I see the game going cheap before actually parting with any money. Why did I buy this game on spec, knowing nothing more than the general theme?

Partly it was the theme. I love flying games for a start, and world war one is an appealing era. The planes were slow and therefore any combat was a close up affair - no fire-and-forget missiles targeted from beyond visual range here. The price helped too - it was a budget release, which means less than half the price of any other new game.

So, what's it like? Let's start with the bad. This is not a flight simulation by any stretch of the imagination. The flight model is very forgiving - you can chuck your plane around without fear of ripping the wings off and it is practically impossible to stall it. The action is non-stop - you are given multiple objectives, with an awful lot happening at one time, with orders barked at you over the radio (hmmm, spot the historical inaccuracy #1). You have a radar screen (that's #2). You swap planes in the middle of a mission by jumping from one to another in mid-air (#3 and counting). Oh, and there are power ups, shields and health bonuses (oh, that's it - I'm not counting any more).

OK, so let's look at the good points. Taken on it's own terms as an action shooter, this is a very good game indeed. The graphics are fabulous - the landscapes of war torn France are expansive and detailed. You can skim over the trenches and towns, with a huge amount of detail to be seen and more importantly blown up. The weather ranges from clear blue skies, to fog, cloud, rain and snow with thunder storms and sunsets to marvel at. The piece de resistance are the planes, though. All of the usual suspects of the time are on offer, immaculately recreated and with numerous camouflage options for each one. You can actually get close enough to see the struts on the wings, and then watch them disintegrate as you fill them full of lead.

As previously mentioned, the game is relentless. From taking off on a mission, you are likely to be patrolling, balloon busting, dog fighting, bombing ground targets, strafing armoured trains, escorting bombers and even taking aerial photographs. There are automatic save points at regular intervals, but they do not interrupt the flow of the game. If you are shot down, you do not usually lose more than a couple of minutes of game play. There are instant action missions, which are effectively deathmatch dogfights, but there is no Xbox Live play which is a real missed opportunity.

If you can overlook the more far fetched aspects, this game is well worth getting hold if you want a good, budget priced action game for the Xbox.

Politicial Meme Time

2004-10-23T16:11:00.000+01:00

Go to Constituency Locata and send an email to your local mp asking them to start writing a blog. Be polite, but make sure you point out that if Boris Johnson can do it, so can they. It will be interesting to see who replies and how many are shamed into action.

Boris the Blogger

2004-10-23T15:53:00.000+01:00

Well, who'd have thought it - Boris Johnson MP the very model of a crusty, tory technophobe is now one of a handful of MPs that not only blogs on a regular basis, but actively responds to comments and questions from constituents and fellow bloggers. Whatever you may think of his politics, not to mention his being forced to publicly apologize for an article that he didn't even write, his blog seems a highly laudable excercise in public accountabilty and I commend it to the blogosphere. Three cheers for Boris!

The dark explodes with a yellow light

2004-10-22T18:37:00.000+01:00

Last night wasn't fun.

It started badly with a walk in the woods just as the rain started to fall. It picked up in intensity as I reached the half way point and then the entire sky was lit up with a series of lightning flashes. I couldn't remember whether it was more dangerous to be under trees or in the middle of an open field during a thunderstorm, but my walk home was nicely split between the two. I counted the seconds between the flashes and the following crack of thunder and worked out that the storm was still a ways off, but I picked up my pace just in case. The air felt oppressive even though the rain was now pelting down, leaving both man and beast wet, muddy and sweaty by the time we got home.

I was looking forward to a sit down, a meander through my blog roll and perhaps a mug of coffee to settle my storm addled nerves.

One problem though. The newpoot was refusing to boot up. I did the usual run of checking the connections at the back, switching off and on quickly, leaving it for a bit and then switching it on unexpectedly with no joy, not even a solitary beep from the power on self test. We worked out that the computer had been left on this afternoon and had gone into hibernation, whereupon it had stayed like some sort of computerized Blue Peter tortoise.

Great.

I eventually tried booting off the recovery cd and quitting the restore process which got me to a desktop where I wrote a backup dvd with The Blogs on it, just in case. I then kicked off a scan disk which called for a reboot which, you've guessed it, wedged the machine again.

Just to make things worse, the internet connection was being seriously weird. I could get an intermittent connection to some sites (blogger and on-line scrabble), but nothing from anywhere else including hotmail, news.bbc.co.uk and the berlin news server.

Fan-bloody-tastic.

I was quite taken aback by my reaction to the lack of connectivity and the problems with the computer. I felt really anxious, snappy and irritable, like an addict denied a fix of crack or an alcoholic waiting for the bar to open. Not good. I was starting to worry about not being able to connect to work in the morning and missing the news and trivia that normally occupies my surfing time. I couldn't even settle to watch tv, without wondering if the connection had come back yet. I went to bed in a fractious mood, and slept badly.

The happy coda, is that the connection was fine in the morning and that a five minute call to the technical support number provided a solution (take the power cord out, hold down the power button for 30 seconds, plug everything back in and reboot).

Thank goodness for that.

Twilight Zone

2004-10-21T18:59:00.000+01:00

This is seriously weird.

Our new computer won't boot, at all. I've got a connection to the internet, but blogger is the only site that is responding. Lightning is flashing outside, and the rain is pouring down.

End of the world, film at 11?

The Wind's Quarter

2004-10-21T14:32:00.000+01:00

The storm was howling last night, rattling the grill on the extractor fan in the bathroom. I was woken by the noise three or four times before lapsing into strange dreams of sailing on a roiling, black sea. By the time I left the house at half past six, the wind had ripped the storm clouds away, leaving ragged wisps with ice bright stars visible beyond. I am starting to get used to walking in the dark in the mornings, the beam of my torch picking out the path in front of me which was strewn with broken branches, leaves and conkers as evidence of the night's fury.

Blimey, it was chilly. The nominal temperature on the weather station was five degrees or so, but the wind chill left gave the impression of being well below zero. Winter draws on ...

It was a dark and stormy night ...

2004-10-20T14:09:00.000+01:00

Well, not night precisely, but if you count that interlude just before the dawn as night, then night it was. Stormy, certainly. I was wearing my rain coat, hood up. My universe was restricted to a meagre pool of light at my feet cast by the torch that I held in my right hand, and the beating of the rain upon my head. No fencing last night, a mix up with the days, but it was probably just as well as my shoulder still hurt when I stretched it too far.

I trudged along, lost in thought, plots and characters competing for attention. I am going to have to spend next week putting an outline together to give me something to aim for. It's like a programming project - a large problem needs to broken down into discrete chunks that can be tackled one at a time. I can see where the starting point is, but I don't yet have an end point. Terry Pratchett once compared writing a story as being like digging a railway tunnel. You have to work from both ends at the same time, and hope that if you have planned it correctly you will meet up in the middle somewhere.

Eye say

2004-10-19T19:12:00.000+01:00

Alicia had an appointment for a checkup at the eye clinic this morning. Twenty past nine was the time on the card, so I strong armed her out of the house just after twenty past eight - that gave us an hour, plenty of time for a journey that was not much more than five miles, at least in theory.

I was expecting the ring road to be slow, but we were stationary for what seemed like ages, until the traffic suddenly cleared somewhere just past Hillsborough and started moving freely. Although it is a nice wide, straight bit of duel carriageway the speed limit is 30mph and I was being careful because I usually am, and also there are speed cameras and police along that stretch. Any fans of the Traffic Cops programmes will recognize the bit I am talking about, that gives the chavs a chance to pick up a bit of speed in their stolen XR3is. Consequently, I picked up a taxi travelling right behind me as the road turned to head up to the university. There are a series of four or five traffic lights one after the other, and I could see them starting to change just as I was passing the first of them. I knew I wasn't going to get past the last one before it turned red so I put the brakes on, and being ABS and new they are pretty damned efficient. Needless to say, the taxi driver came within a whisker of running into the back of me, and he looked a little, shall we say, perturbed that I hadn't just run the red light. Hmmm. At least when the lights changed to green I was able to demonstrate that my car accelerates even more efficiently than it brakes ... :-)

We got to the hospital at around five past nine, but the direct route to the car park had a no right turn, so we had to do a loop and come back along a service road through the middle of the hospital campus. It was stationary. We crawled along at a snail's pace until we came to the road heading back down to the car park, which was similarly stationary and nobody looked like they were going anywhere. I nipped round the corner and spotted a gap in the queue for the car park and snuck in at 9:19 exactly.

Fortunately the Opthamology department is exactly opposite the car park, so we got in bang on time, to find that at least four other people were booked for exactly the same time with the same consultant. How much did you say the NHS is spending on IT, exactly?

Anyway, we got seen eventually, and it turns out that the nerves at the back of Alicia's eyes are fine, just a little bunched together because she is so short sighted, and we were out after five minutes with the consultant. Shame that they couldn't look at my eyes at the same time, so I'll have to do the same trip when I get my appointment at the clinic to get my retinas examined.

Karon Viscome

2004-10-19T15:12:00.000+01:00

Who on Earth is Karon Viscome, and why am I getting her spam? I check my spam filters every couple of days before clearing the folder and I've noticed a lot of spam from different addresses but all with a header of "Confirmation for Karon Viscome" or "Special offers for Karon" or something along those lines. I've googled for "Karon Viscome" with no luck, although "Karen Viscome" returns a bewildering list of Spanish sounding names.

Perhaps there is a genuine Karon Viscome out there somewhere waiting to buy a house or have his/her penis/breasts enlarged (delete where applicable) and wondering where all of the junk they signed up for has gone? As Toyah once sang, ith a mythtery ...

Comfort

2004-10-18T18:07:00.000+01:00

It's cold outside and my shoulder still hurts from the other day when Barney nearly yanked it out its socket trying to chase a particularly cheeky squirrel, so excuse me while I indulge myself slightly. I've hoovered (well, dysoned) the lounge, so it's nice and tidy, I've got my feet up with Biddy warming my legs, the small light in the corner provides just enough illumination to type by as the sun sets outside, I've got a mug of strong columbian coffee with just a dash of Whittard's chocolate syrup to sweeten it a little and I've got craggy faced Michael Palin's Himalaya taped from last night to watch. Ahhh.

There's some good stuff on the telly at the moment. The new Battlestar Galactica series looks promising, Green Wing on Channel 4 is a good, innovative comedy, and the series that has just started about the history of Venice has given me some possible ideas for my novel. The only problem is finding time to watch it all - I've still got this week's Green Wing and the Bob Geldof documentary about family law to watch, and I'm going to be out at Rapier training tomorrow night, so tonight is the night to be square eyed I think.

I must be mad

2004-10-17T16:20:00.000+01:00

Hmmm, why did I sign up for this?

I have feedreader running all of the time on my notebook, and one of the feeds that I keep an eye on is slashdot - it's usually geek related stories on technical issues, although they do cover popular culture and politics on occasion. I usually just skim the stories but one headline made me click through for more information on 'Kamikaze Novel Writing'.

The idea is simple and beguiling. You write a 50,000 word novel during the month of November. That's it. Never mind the theme or the quality. Don't agonize and rewrite. Just get the words down on paper, or bytes in a document, regardless of quality, before the deadline. That's a little under two thousand words a day, allowing a little leeway for slow days.

I have always thought about writing a novel, but never actually seem to have acquired the necessary circular tuit to get started. The regular habit of writing is one of the reasons for doing this blog, so this is something that I can't really pass up. Having signed up, I now feel a little like the author with writer's block in Neil Gaiman's Sandman story Calliope - although I hope I don't need to find my muse in such a brutal or literal fashion.

What am I going to write, given a universe of possibilities? Fantasy or science fiction would seem to be natural choices for a geek like me, although something historical with a bit of rapier based sword play is tempting. Perhaps a modern day story looking at an incident or event from multiple perspectives? A cyberpunk near future dystopia? A civil war in a plague wracked city?

I don't know, but I'm going to ponder the options between now and Halloween. This could be interesting ...

The Book of Jamus

2004-10-16T08:22:00.000+01:00

1. In the year of our LORD two thousand and four a mighty deluge was inflicted upon the tribe of Hopkins, in the land of Burncross.
2. For lo, Jamus son of Jan, hadst been in the bath and by swimming up and down hadst visited the waters upon the floor of the bathroom, even unto the furthest corners.
3. In his shame, Jamus didst not confess his sin and tried to conceal it from the eyes of the LORD.
4. The following morning, the LORD was going about his business in a mysterious way, collecting the clothing that had been strewn hither and yon by the children of the LORD when he didst notice something passing strange.
5. "Why do these towels wringeth with water, even the large beach towel, and why art the spare toilet rolls in a state of watery decay?"
6. The LORD didst call Jamus to account, and he didst confess what had transpired.
7. The LORD waxed wroth and was mightily tempted to smite Jamus upon his fundament, but in his mercy he didst banish him to his room, yea even until the very last building block and manuscript had been moved from the floor to their appointed places.
8. The LORD then repaired the damage wrought by the waters and walked in the woods of Foxfield whilst he pondered the nature of family life, and lo his temper was assuaged.
9. The LORD didst return to his dwelling place for a nice cup of tea and to write his holy scriptures, that are known as The Blog.
10. And it was good.

Down the drain

2004-10-15T19:42:00.000+01:00

I had a strangely disturbed night. I had an apocalyptic dream of a series of meteors crashing into a film studio somewhere near my mum and dad's house whilst a F-15 fighter was trying to shoot them down with Maverick AGM missiles. I woke up just as the live coverage from the studio showed one of the meteors glowing red and apparently about to explode.

I turned over in bed, but noticed a damp, mildewy smell from the bathroom. I checked round the floor and behind the sink and the toilet but I couldn't work out where the smell was coming from. I went back to bed and had waking dreams of floods and damp walls. The first bedsit I lived in had horribly damp walls as the shower and the kitchen area were one and the same and the ventilation was limited to a draughty sash window that grew mold as quickly as I could wipe it away. I sincerely hope that I never have to live anywhere like that again.

On further investigation in the morning, the smell turned out to be coming from the plughole in the shower tray and not from any damp on the walls. I cleaned out as much of the gunk as I could and then went out at lunchtime to get some Mr Muscle cleaner which did the trick and cured the problem.

Things normal children don't say #4

2004-10-15T19:41:00.000+01:00

"Dad, can we put Radio 2 on, please?"

Absolute power

2004-10-14T18:17:00.000+01:00

If you've ever fancied trying your hand at running a small country then head on over to Nation States and have a go. You answer a few questions about what sort of government you want to have and then you'll get daily political decisions to make that will affect the lives of your populace.

The Most Serene Republic of Burncross in the region of Ugvm is described as :

The Most Serene Republic of Burncross

"We may not be right, but at least we're relaxed"

UN Category: Left-wing Utopia
Civil Rights: Excellent	Economy: Fair	Political Freedoms: Superb

Location: UGVM

The Most Serene Republic of Burncross is a tiny, socially progressive nation, remarkable for its absence of drug laws. Its hard-nosed, intelligent population of 5 million are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whoever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Social Welfare, and Education. The average income tax rate is 35%, but much higher for the wealthy. A substantial private sector is led by the Gambling, Retail, and Beef-Based Agriculture industries.

Crime is moderate, and the police force struggles against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Burncross's national animal is the kakapo, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the pobble bead.

Orange bills and climate control

2004-10-13T15:47:00.000+01:00

I was worrying about my mobile phone bill today. I had an odd experience on Monday when I plugged my phone into my car kit and noticed that it was completely discharged with no power left in the battery at all - it never dips more than one or two bars as it usually gets recharged every time I go somewhere in the car. Thinking a little harder I rang to check how many of my free minutes I had left and found I had zero minutes and zero seconds left as at 12:24 am. Curiouser and curiouser.

The last call I had made was to Alicia just before seven o'clock on Sunday night, and I had a sudden panic that I had not terminated the call and somehow left it connected for five and a half hours before the battery had died. Fortunately this proved not to be the case, and checking my bill on line today showed that I was only a few minutes over my normal allowance. It doesn't explain the mystery of the dead battery though, unless a button had been left pushed down keeping the light on or something.

It was my first trip to Dudley in my new car today, and although it is much the same as the old one there are a couple of important differences. This one doesn't have a sunroof, but instead it has a climate control system which is fab. You dial in the temperature you want on your side of the car to the nearest half a degree, and the system works out what combination of fan speed, air conditioning and heating will achieve the desired result and goes about its duty automagically. There is even a 'clear screens' setting which puts everything into demisting the windscreen and melting any frost as quickly as possible before switching back to normal operations. Very nifty. I haven't dared touch the cruise control yet - I guess I will have to RTFM for that one ...

Early mornings

2004-10-12T17:39:00.000+01:00

The woods were strangely quiet this morning and it took me a while to work out why. I could hear the faint noise of traffic from the motorway in the distance but I suddenly realised that I couldn't hear any birds. As I turned around at the top of the path to walk back through the trees I stepped on a twig, snapping it loudly, and something clattered through the branches above me dislodging a shower of acorns. Just as we reached the path again, one or two birds had started to tweet and the dawn chorus began, but it looks as though my morning walks will be quiet for a while.

New Car

2004-10-11T20:42:00.000+01:00

My new car was delivered today, but they managed to deliver it without the tax disc - doh! The dealers were very good about it and they sent another driver to deliver the missing disc but I've not driven anywhere in it yet. It's a Laguna like my last car, but this one is a sort of bluey-gray colour rather than the silvery-gray that I had before and it's got proper climate control rather than plain air conditioning. W00t, as they say.

Sim Update

2004-10-11T20:33:00.000+01:00

I've gone grey and met Michael Palin ...

2004-10-11T20:32:00.000+01:00

... and Alicia is pregnant and living in a bunker with a philandering General.

Crimson Skies

2004-10-10T21:58:00.000+01:00

The place is America, the time is the Great Depression. The formerly united states have splintered into a patchwork of warring, fuedal nations. Roads and rails have been cut and zepellins now transport freight across borders. Where there are rich, fat, slow pickings there are air pirates.

That's where you come in.

Crimson Skies : Highroad to Revenge is a fantastic, rip roaring game of aerial combat, dogfights, races for money and air piracy. The environments range from lush Caribean islands to the desolate badlands of the Indian Nations, from Lost Cities and active volcanoes to the glittering sky scrapers of the windy city of Chicago. Each level offers a variety of missions that you can tackle in order you like, with tokens to search for that allow you to upgrade the various propeller driven planes that you can add to your hangar on the giant, armoured zepellin that forms your mobile base.

I played for most of today, and finally finished the single player game with a frantic escape from an exploding mine and a final showdown over a hurricaine wracked Chicago. I played online as well, bumping up my stats a little until at one stage I was 128th best in the world this week (still somewhere in the 50,000s in the all time rankings though). I was able to talk to and shoot down stoned Americans, tired Swedes, cocky Australians and a couple of brits (hello to Red Mancunian!).

Highly recommended if you have an xbox, even more so if you have Live as well.

Birthday Girl

2004-10-09T19:16:00.000+01:00

Alica is fourteen today, and I think she has enjoyed her day. She is at that curious age where she wants cds, money and grown up things, but I think she would have been disappointed not to have got the 'My Little Pony' on a key ring that I found for her.

She was quite happy to spend the day at Meadowhall, looking at shiny things in the jewellery shop (I though that the sales assistant had the unusual name of 'Cleopatra Trading' until I realised that that was the name of the shop), browsing in Waterstones and drinking Lemon Frescatos in Costa (lot for a cup of) Coffee. Her highlight was spotting a 14 and a 15 for her CNPS game ...

I really should dig out some of her baby pictures and scan them so I can post them on here and embarass her - anybody want to see some?

The Whole Tooth

2004-10-08T18:52:00.001+01:00

I checked in the fridge this morning to get a glass of grapefruit juice before going out with Barney and noticed that we had nearly run out of milk. No problem, I thought - I'll walk Barney down the road and get some from GT News.

Only problem is that GT News haven't got any milk. No problem, I thought - I'll go a bit further down the road to Costcutter.

You can see it coming, can't you? Costcutter isn't open at a quarter to seven in the morning, so the walk was extended to the Jet Garage further still down the road. Oh well, Barney didn't seem to mind and I got home in time to provide tea for Jan, coffee for Alicia and weetabix for Jamie.

After dropping Alicia off at school, I headed off to the dentist for my first filling in over ten years. It didn't hurt, but the injection at the back of my mouth numbed half my face for the rest of the day so I didn't get my caffeine fix until late afternoon.

On days like these ...

2004-10-07T18:53:00.000+01:00

I've been working on a new version of the sales spreadsheet for a while and it has some fairly major changes in it, so it is classified as a major release rather than a point release bugfix. It has been going through testing with the contracts management team and last week I sent it to the sales director and her sidekick with a list of the changes and instructions to check it to make sure it worked for all of the functions that they use. I hadn't heard anything back, and I went to Leeds this morning to see if I could catch up with them.

As soon as I logged on, I started getting bug reports coming in and people asking me 'What's this new version of the spreadsheet - why haven't I got any notes on it?' A bit of investigation reveals that they had just distributed it to the entire sales team without testing, or indeed any of the notes and documentation as to the changes.

I came within an ace of swearing loudly at this point.

I tried ringing them, but with no joy. I bit back another choice epithet or two and went to get some lunch. I was buying some bits and bobs in one of the small shops in the Corn Exchange and got stuck behind somebody trying to pay by card. The till roll had jammed and I waited patiently for a couple of minutes until the harassed sales assistant got it going again. He rang in my purchases and I handed him a ten pound note saying I thought it might be better to pay by cash. He looked worried again and asked if I had anything smaller. It turned out that he was almost completely out of change, and had to ring up one of the other shops to borrow a float. Cue another couple of minutes of waiting. By this stage I was feeling quite philosophical and reflected that it wasn't just me having a bad day, so I accepted the assistant's apologies with good grace and said that I hoped his day would improve.

On the way the way back to the office I saw three separate 226s and a 268 - guess which number I am looking for at the moment ...

We're goin' down the pub

2004-10-06T19:10:00.000+01:00

Well, that was nice.

The pub lunch I mean ...

Jan had a day off today, and I was working at home so it was a good excuse to pop down to the Crown and Cushion for a humungous plate of Smoked Haddock fishcakes, chips, peas and salad, all served on a plate the size of a hubcap and a pint of John Smiths to wash it all down. Yum.

2004-10-06T11:47:00.000+01:00

Computer Zoo

Tipping Sodical

2004-10-05T15:57:00.000+01:00

It was dark when I left the house with Barney this morning, but the sky was clear and the stars were bright points of light overhead. Orion was standing proud over the woods, but there were no attack ships on fire off his shoulder that I could see. It was cold - not too long before the frosts
start to bite, I reckon.

An early start, and Alicia was at her very best - looking for homework, PE bag, trainers to go in said PE bag and her favourite necklace (an obvious essential item when we are in a rush) before we finally got out of the door and into the car. We were half way to school when she told me that she had forgotten her purse.

"Hmmm. You know when I asked you last night if you had packed your bag, and made sure that you'd got everything and you told me you had, you hadn't actually checked?"

She raided my spare change for the bus and went to wait at the bus stop whilst I set off back for the motorway. She rang to tell me that she had found her purse at more or less the same time that I realised that I hadn't packed my laptop in the boot ...

Photo meme

2004-10-04T18:50:00.000+01:00

Only one suggestion for the photo meme, from the ever reliable Creepy but it was a challenge. The nearest thing I could find was a puddle that appears in the middle of the field at the back of our house whenever it rains. Alicia went on a geography field trip up the Don Valley today and took a pretty good picture of an old warehouse by the river, so I've pinched that as well.

The best expanse of water today, though, was in the Chapeltown swimming baths at lunchtime. There were only four people in the pool today so I had a lane to myself and the water was as still as it ever gets. I wasn't timing myself precisely but I think I managed twenty smooth lengths in under twenty minutes again which is not bad going. The best pool for lane swimming in Sheffield has to be Ponds Forge in the center of town. It's a constant three meters deep over the whole pool, and some clever design trickery means that the surface is as flat as a millpond even when all the lanes are in use.

2004-10-04T18:45:00.000+01:00

Alicia's geography field trip

2004-10-04T18:40:00.000+01:00

Not exactly an expanse ...

Just walking in the rain

2004-10-03T20:09:00.001+01:00

There is something uniquely soothing about walking in the rain.

We had a call from some friends that we hadn't seen for a while this afternoon, saying that they were at a children's party just down the road and asking if they could drop in for a while. It was good to see them, but for some reason the house always descends into chaos when their two children are around. There was screaming and shouting, toys being thrown around, Alicia screeching as the younger ones invaded her room and Barney growling at Jessica who is nervous of dogs to start with. Aaargh.

After making cups of tea and coffee, and polite conversation for as long as I could stand I had to escape for a while so I took Barney out for a walk.

The rain was coming down fairly heavily but I have a good double insulated waterproof coat and I had my wellies on, so I was warm and dry. I love the sound of rain drops pattering on my hood, and then the more resonant sounds of the rain on the trees in the wood. Barney loves wet weather too and got fabulously muddy running in and out of puddles as we made our way to the top of the field to watch the sheets of rain marching over the distant lights of Chapeltown and beyond.

By the time I got home I felt calm and centered, and ready for a little more of the controlled mayhem within.

Mmmm

2004-10-02T21:16:00.000+01:00

I am currently drinking a bottle of Meantime chocolate beer and I can exclusively reveal that it is spanking gorgeous. A true chocolatey beer has been a holy grail for me for a long time, and the nearest that I have come to finding one has up to now been Youngs Chocolate Double Chocolate Stout. The Meantime beer is, in comparison, a lager and I can honestly say that I have not tasted anything quite like it. It is at base a fairly light, fuggle hopped, stong lager but the aftertaste is a quite extraordinary dark, malty, chocolate flavour.

Highly recommended.

Oh, for fox sake

2004-10-02T18:50:00.000+01:00

Not a hunting rant, but a petty cavil about the film I am half watching at them moment, namely 'The Mask of Zorro'. It's a fine, rip roaring adventure but in the words of 'The Streets' there's one thing that's really, really annoying me.

The fencing.

When Zorro goes en garde with the rapier he point his sword away from his target. Wrong, wrong and thrice wrong. If you are going to hit somebody, then you need to point your sword (and the point will beat the edge nine times out of ten) at either their throat or their belly. Pointing it up the air just gives your opponent a handy semaphore as to the line of your attack.

Also, you are trying to hit the man not the sword he is carrying.

Oh, and bending your wrist removes all the power from a sword thrust.

Compare and contrast with the sword work in 'The Three Musketeers' which got it right.

Meme Time

2004-10-02T18:48:00.000+01:00

From Blogger news :

"Ask your readers to think of three photos they'd like to see posted to your blog. (Things around your house or whatever.) When you have enough requests, post them!"

Anybody want to have a go with this?

Walking on Sunshine

2004-10-01T18:12:00.000+01:00

I finally realised the reason for my gloomy mood this week. Every morning when I have been out with Barney it has been dark, with overcast skies and no sign of the sun. The other reason has been Alicia, who it is probably best to describe as not being a morning person.

The solution to the second problem was fairly straightforward. All I needed to do was knock on Alicia's door five minutes earlier in the morning and provide her with a cup of coffee to and in a sims stylee she was raring to go (or at least raring compared to her normal morning mood).

The first problem was fixed by a burst of glorious sunshine this morning that gave me a chance to peg out the washing and enjoy the glorious colours of the elderberries and other fruits in the garden before starting work. Even getting the swimming times mixed up didn't dent my mood overmuch, and now it is the weekend, to be more precise Friday night which is pizza night in this house, and I have a keg of Boddingtons nicely chilled in the fridge for later on. Can't be bad ...

2004-10-01T18:11:00.000+01:00

Autumn colours

2004-10-01T18:10:00.000+01:00

On the prowl

A flea in your ear

2004-09-30T17:03:00.000+01:00

I was sat at the desk upstairs, working on my laptop. Biddy the cat sauntered in, jumped on the desk, briefly considered jumping on top of the server monitor and then finally settled down to snooze on top of my arms. I didn't have the heart to move her until I felt a tickling on my forearm. I looked down to see a flea scampering around.

I caught it between my finger and thumb, but the little bugger wouldn't expire until I squashed it with a 20p coin (that produced an audible crunch). So, it was out with the Frontline drops and the can of fleaspray to attack all likely places that these pests could be hiding. I suppose that having the central heating on may have awakened some dormant pupae or something, but it is a royal pain.

In a shocking development, I went out to Meadowhall at lunchtime to buy a few bits and bobs and treated myself to a brie and grape sandwich and a coffee in a cafe that seems to have materialized at the back of WH Smith since the last time I was there. What is it with this book shop/coffee bar synergy? They didn't seem to be quite so keen on encouraging you to read books with your coffee as Borders are though.

Finally, the sun has just appeared after a rather miserable day, so my mood has lifted at last. Walk time, I think.

In the midnight hour

2004-09-29T16:57:00.000+01:00

Another late night of simming last night, and I'm tired today. The move to Strangetown went smoothly although my two alien children Podling and Podlina seem to be dropping grades at school for some reason. I noticed that Podling was throwing his homework in the gutter as soon as he got home which might go some way to explaining it.

What else? Apparently the time sheets project has been pushed back whilst my boss was on holiday, and I only found out when I asked where the progress meeting was to be held next week and found out it had been cancelled. There's politics afoot and I don't like it.

I feel a bit gloomy, but I think that it is a combination of the late nights and the miserable grey overcast skies outside. I am somewhat prone to SAD if I don't get enough sunlight, but hopefully a walk with Barney will sort me out.

Simaholics Anonymous

2004-09-28T19:38:00.000+01:00

Hello. My name is Neil. I am a Simaholic.

I had my first try at Sims 2 less than 2 weeks ago and I am now hooked. I created myself as a character and in that time I have fathered a child outside of wedlock, got a job as a test subject, thrown some rather good parties, drunk the water of life, been abducted by aliens, given birth to twin alien babies, seen my lover and first child scared to death by a ghostly policeman and I am currently moving my family from Veronaville to a nice hacienda in Strangetown before I get too old.

I have played this game every day, and I stopped up till 1 o'clock on Friday night just living my virtual life - going to work, cooking meals, helping my strange alien offspring with their homework and debating the pros and cons of sending them to a private school.

I am going to play now - I may be some time ...

Aqua Vitae

2004-09-27T17:50:00.000+01:00

I feel better for that.

I finally aquired the requisite circular tuit and rang up to find out the times that Chapeltown swimming baths is open, and then went for a swim this lunchtime. The outside of the building is a bit grotty, but inside the water was clean and clear and there were only four or five other people in the pool. I managed twenty lengths in a little over twenty five minutes which is pretty much what I used to manage when I was swimming regularly.

Expenses update - I've had an apology, and they are now going to allow my ten pounds for my eye test. Hurrah! I wonder if this means that senior management are reading my blog?

Treebeard

2004-09-26T17:37:00.000+01:00

This bracket fungus in the woods looks rather like a nose, don't you think?

Cat Porn

2004-09-26T17:36:00.000+01:00

Have you ever seen a cat look this insouciant when laying in a dog's basket?

Incey Wincey Spider

2004-09-26T17:34:00.000+01:00

This is the spider that I found by my wellies the other morning measured using the ansi standard 50p (or should that be anansi standard?)

Don't make me angry

2004-09-25T14:11:00.000+01:00

I'm annoyed.

Just before five o'clock last night I got an email from the project manager of the invoicing project with a proposed layout for the wording on discounted invoices. It was cc-d to the finance director, so I wasn't too surprised to get a call from her shortly afterwards.

I was just about to tell her that the layout looked ok to me when she said that there was a problem with my expenses. To be precise I had claimed £10 for an eye test last month. I'd had the eye test when I was off on holiday and only realised when looking through the human resources bits on the intranet that users of display equipment were entitled to free eye tests.

Apparently I should have asked for a voucher first. It says that somewhere in the small print of the word document that I should have downloaded and read before I had my eyes tested. I've worked for this company for just over eleven years, and spent something in the region of a fifteen hundred pounds on glasses and eye tests in that time. This is the first time I have claimed for something that I am entitled too (and have been for all that time) and they are going to dock it off my next expenses claim.

How petty can you get. I am fuming over the mean mindedness of it. Grrr.

The long dark number plate of the soul

2004-09-24T09:46:00.000+01:00

On the way to school this morning I was discussing the metaphysical nature of CNPS with Alicia. She has been looking for a 12 for a while and was despairing of her chances of ever seeing one. Any devotee of CNPS will know what a number plate drought is like, and we wondered whether it was a test of faith or if the gods were indifferent. I concluded that CNPS is the only religion where you get 999 signs from the gods compared to the occasional burning bush or eight armed blue skinned bint that the other lot get. Alicia decided to keep the faith and carry on looking, and she asked me

"What number are you looking for Dad?"

"A 20"

At that very instant, we turned the corner and bathed in the golden sunlight of a crisp Fall morning was a pickup truck with a 20 proudly displayed. How cool is that?

Because he's worth it

2004-09-23T19:08:00.000+01:00

Well that was fun.

I took Barney back to the vet's this morning and whilst the anti-biotics have helped he still has a skin infection. No problem, says the vet, try this shampoo. Blimey, it's expensive - it puts the likes of Loreal to shame for sheer overpriced effrontery but I am assured it is good stuff.

The only catch is that you have to apply it and leave it on for ten minutes before rinsing it off.

Just think about that for a second. I don't know if you have ever tried to keep a soaking wet, shampoo covered dog in one place for thirty seconds let alone ten minutes but it was interesting. He sat in the bath for a while, got fed up and jumped out, shook himself liberally all over me, got manhandled back into the bath and then jumped up at me when I turned the shower head on him to rinse off the shampoo.

I was soaked. So was the bathroom floor. And the stairs. And the kitchen floor. And the dog basket.

The best bit? I've got to do this twice a week for the next three weeks ...

Where am I?

2004-09-22T08:40:00.000+01:00

That was the question that Patrick McGoohan's Prisoner asked at the start of each episode and the inevitable response from the number two of the week would always be 'You are in the Village'. Spookily enough, that is where I am tonight, or to be more precise the Village Hotel in Dudley and very nice it is too.

I've just been for a healthy swim in the pool and then ruined it all by having a huge pie with a puff pastry crust at least five centimeters high and chips, peas, gravy and a pint of Murphy's to wash it down. Yum.

Work, when I eventually made it into the office at two o'clock went more or less ok - the consultant had been going round in circles not realising that a component of the accounts software that he needed hadn't been loaded in the initial install two years ago. The rest of the upgrade went smoothly, apart from one heart stopping moment when I thought he had lost all of our analysis codes. Fortunately it turned out to be just the set up definitions that had been reset but these were easily recoverable so no harm was done. The head honcho of the accounts consultancy people is due in tomorrow so if there are any problems she can sort them out.

I managed to listen to most of the new H2G2 on the wireless and I must admit to feeling strangely emotional hearing Peter Jones' voice as the titular guide once more, and the mixing into William Franklin was an excellent touch. Dirk Maggs, the producer, is an unsung genius in the field of audio drama and I am looking forward to the rest of this series with eager anticipation.

Motorway blog #5

2004-09-21T14:10:00.000+01:00

Just before midday the traffic started to move in fits and starts as the three lanes merged into one. A little over twenty miles from home I passed the scene of the accident where repair crews were patching up a large stretch of the barrier in the central reservation, and then I was free.

An open road and 'Now that's what I call David Collins' on the stereo - let's go!

Motorway blog #4

2004-09-21T13:10:00.000+01:00

Sat in the outside lane now, so I can watch the traffic on the other side of the motorway whilst sat stationary. I'm listening to a whole cd full of different remixes of 'Go' by baldy vegetarian god botherer Moby which takes an ecstatic journey through trip hop, rave, dub and ambient using one sample of the Twin Peaks theme music.

Oh, and I've just spotted a 17.

Motorway blog #3

2004-09-21T12:20:00.000+01:00

What's this? A low loader with a shiny yellow digger on board but more importantly ... 16!

Motorway blog #2

2004-09-21T11:10:00.000+01:00

Sunroofs are all very well until a wasp decides to fly in and sit on the steering wheel grinning at me. I'm not normally too worried by wasps, but in confined spaces they are a bit more troublesome. I opened the window and managed to bat it out with my phone.

Good job I was stationary at the time.

Motorway blog

2004-09-21T10:45:00.000+01:00

I left my house at half past seven this morning and it is now a quarter to eleven. In that time I have driven 15 miles or so. Don't you just love British motorways? One accident and the whole of Derbyshire is completely paralyzed.

I am currently at the Woodall services for an overpriced cappuccino and a trip to the loo. The traffic looks to be moving a little now, so I'm going to get my motor running and head out on the highway, but I fear the only adventure I've got in store is a slow crawl to Birmingham.

Ho hum.

Invisible buses, taxis and Sims 2

2004-09-20T21:38:00.000+01:00

We tried yet again to find the elusive 765 bus from Grenoside to Bradfield this morning, but despite waiting at the stop from 7:40 for twenty minutes or so (the supposed time was 7:48) there was no sign of it. I rang the bus company who swore blind that the bus was on time and following the advertised route. Presumably it is some sort of magical Harry Potter Knight Bus that doesn't show up for muggles like us and the upshot is that Alicia will need to get a taxi to school on Wednesday morning.

I have also been good today. Even though I have been working at home I have manfully resisted the temptation to play Sims 2 until this evening.

2004-09-20T21:36:00.000+01:00

Neil and Alicia as Sims 2 characters

2004-09-20T21:35:00.000+01:00

Alicia playing Sim City 4 in the Sims 2 - how meta is that?

2004-09-20T21:34:00.000+01:00

Contemplating the mysteries of the universe

2004-09-20T21:33:00.000+01:00

Breakfast time in the Hopkins House

Only in England

2004-09-19T21:28:00.000+01:00

My friend Andrew had a barbeque tonight. I hadn't been to his house since he moved there a couple of months ago and I asked for directions.

"It's next door to where I used to live"

I drove up the steet looking for signs of a barbeque and eventually gave in and rang to ask which number his house was.

"145A"

I could see a 145 and a 147 but no 145A. I even walked round the back of the terrace to see if there was a secret house tucked away somewhere, but no joy.

"I'll come out and see if I can find you", said Andrew. "Where are you parked?"

"Round the corner from the Princess Royal" (the pub, not Anne)

"You're at the wrong house then - try South Road instead"

Ok - not too far to go then, and we get there eventually with only a minor diversion via a builders yard before we find the right ginnal to go up.

"There aren't that many people coming - nine or ten at most" which turns out to be an underestimate by a factor of five or six. Some of the people there were some old faces who I hadn't seen for far too long, particularly Gary and Jane who I managed to catch up with after a gap of at least six or seven years.

There was food and drink a-plenty, a couple of xboxes networked together for multiplayer Halo, an incredibly cute Persian kitten and a dog with a Burberry collar.

A fine barbeque, but only in England would it be held on a night when the temperature was a smidge over ten degrees and the drizzle was just starting to fall as we left ... :-)

All this and Sims 2

2004-09-18T22:10:00.000+01:00

Sims 2 arrived yesterday.

Jan held off installing it until the evening but found that it ran somewhat jerkily on her laptop even in 800x600 with the detail turned down. The next step was to try it on some of the other pcs in the house. The cube shuttle ran a little bit better than the laptop and the server was fine with its Geforce 2 MX card, but both of those machines are too noisy for use down here.

So, we bought another pc.

Yes, ok, so that makes nine pcs in the house (two laptops, two sub-notebooks, four desktops and my work laptop) but some of those are being retired in the near future (the old Packard Bell is going to Jan's Dad and one of the laptops is destined for my Mum and Dad).

The new pc (named newpoot) is a mid range Compaq Presario with a Geforce FX 5200 and a 15" TFT monitor, and very nice it is too. Setup was simple, and within 20 minutes of unpacking it Sims 2 was installed and running.

Oh. My. Giddy. Aunt.

This game is simply amazing. The level of detail is quite incredible - the 3d engine make a world of difference when you can zoom in and view the world from a sims eye perspective. Televisions now broadcast shows that you can watch, clocks show the time, chess pieces can be moved, lights cast shadows, bed clothes are thrown back in the morning and a sim's emotional state can easily be seen from the expression on their face.

The gameplay is much as before, although the sims now have a great deal more autonomy. Left to their own devices they will eat, sleep, clean the house and look after themselves much more efficiently than the original sims ever did. Your input into the game comes by looking at their aspirations and fears and guiding them appropriately. As aspirations and fears are realized points are earnt or lost which affects the sim's outlook on life.

For example, one of the characters I was playing today was a teenage sim called Puck Summerdream. His aspiration was to have his first kiss with Hermia, and a little bit of judicious meddling brought this about. He then wondered around in a love struck daze dreaming of Hermia, and one of his aspirations changed to wanting to throw a successful party. Things were going swimmingly until he flirted with the wrong girl and Hermia saw him. Anything he said to her made things worse until she completely fell out with him, ruining the party in the process. Unfortunately this was his very worst fear, and he is now an emotional wreck.

Further news as it happens ...

Friday I go mad

2004-09-17T14:57:00.000+01:00

Normally I drop Alicia at school on Mondays and Fridays and she gets the bus from her mum's in the mornings the rest of the week when I'm working in Dudley.

These are not normal times.

This morning we tried to work out where the bus that she travels back on in the afternoons leaves from in the mornings. We got there just after half past seven, but it was obviously too much to hope for that it would follow the same route through the estate. We gave up at ten to eight and I dropped her at the stop on the other route nearer school and headed back for the motorway.

I would have been reasonably on time, except for the queue of traffic back up from the roundabout in the centre of Chapeltown. Ok, so I get past that and onto the motorway, now running about half an hour late. It could be worse, I think. It's not really a surprise when it does get worse. The A38 is blocked by an accident so traffic is diverting onto the M1 at junction 28, which has one lane blocked by a broken down lorry at junction 26.

Great.

Another half hour delay, sat stationary just past Chesterfield and I am now seriously late for the document imaging training that I have been asked politely by my boss to attend (where polite is roughly equivalent to "You vill obey ze orderz!!!").

I gave Eileen a call, and they have now cut the training down from a full day to a half day overview starting a little later, so I am not going to miss all that much. I eventually got to the office at a quarter to eleven and snuck into the training room.

They had covered the process details and were now actually going to do some actual document scanning and indexing to demonstrate the procedure for scanning a document in Dudley and sending it to the image server at our Leeds office. Click the button to index and ... nothing happens, apart from a cryptic xml error message.

Terrific.

It's Jeanette's birthday, so we took an early lunch break in the pub whilst the techies in Leeds fixed the problem, and by the time we got back it was working so we could cover the rest of the training. Not a complete waste of time and it was useful for me to see the system, if only to get a feel for the sort of speed it is going to run at over the wan (slowly it seems) plus I got a very nice bit of cake with my afternoon coffee.

Still, the best bit of day goes almost without saying, but I'm going to say it anyway :

14!!!!

Bicentennial Man

2004-09-16T18:39:00.000+01:00

Assuming I have read the counter correctly this is the two hundredth post to this blog, so I'm going to be reflective for a moment. Jan pointed out the other night that she rarely gets a mention on here and I wondered why. It was certainly not a conscious decision but perhaps the reason is because she is so important to me in so many ways. My blog tends to be about the trivial irritations or joys in my life, and I don't think to talk about Jan in the same way that a goldfish wouldn't talk about the water that surrounds him.

So, I'll just say that she is wonderful - she makes my life complete in ways that I hadn't even realised were possible. Just this week, she has completely reorganised the lounge with a new desk and chair and tidied up all of the wires in the corner, done the shopping, cooked the food, worked at two demanding teaching jobs that involve lots of detailed planning and written a series of very funny entries for the Blog House. She is supportive, attentive and loving. She is gorgeous.

I love her more than words can say.

That's all, normal trivia will resume shortly.

The Vet

2004-09-15T18:55:00.000+01:00

It couldn't be put off any more, so this morning I took Barney and Frank to the vet's for their jabs. Barney is always excited to go anywhere in the car but Frank took umbridge at being disturbed from the days snoozing on the chair that he had lined up for the day. It was the first time that I had been to the surgery since Jess died there so I felt a little bit wobbly, but we were first in so it wasn't too bad.

Barney was excited at the smells of the various animals that had been there and didn't complain when he was hoisted up on the table for his check up. The reason for all of the scratching that he has been doing recently turned out to be a minor skin infection that he has picked up from somewhere, so we've got some antibiotics to give him for a week before he can have his booster. Frank was fine though, although he is putting on a bit of weight. "Keep him active" suggested the vet, which is easier said than done - I'd have to start with a crowbar to lever him from a horizontal position.

The receptionist at the front desk fussed over Barney while she sorted out the bill. So, some worm tablets for Frank and flea drops for both of them, as well as the boosters and the anti biotics came to a smidge over £80. Blimey. Expensive creatures.

Even more CNPS

2004-09-14T19:39:00.000+01:00

After a reasonably productive day in Dudley (a couple of niggly problems solved and a bit of progress on the invoicing project) I hit the M6 for home. Sally Traffic was telling the nation about an accident that had closed 2 lanes of the M1 at Chesterfield with a resultant ten mile tailback.

"Oh, triffic" I thought as I reached the start of the two lane roadworks on the M6 and looked left to see a black sports car in the inside lane. The number plate?

G 13 JAN

Oh yes! Read it and weep!

Roll on 14 ... :-)

CNPS update

2004-09-14T11:09:00.000+01:00

This morning on the way to Dudley I saw the numbers 14, 15, 16, 17 and 18 in sequence - unfortunately I still haven't seen a 13 yet. Grrr. In other news Jan has just seen a 12 and knows of a 13 that parks in her school's car park. Hmmmm - does my dedication to CNPS stretch to driving to Barnsley on the off chance of seeing a number during a working day?

Blue Monday

2004-09-13T13:56:00.000+01:00

Alicia is off to her mum's house today after nearly a month here and she was on fine form this morning. She hadn't packed her phone, spare jumper, keys or hair brush and she was moving at about the speed of a tranquilised snail. Anyone would think that she didn't want to go, or something. Still, we did get out of the house running only a few minutes late and the traffic wasn't too bad this morning, so we caught up time and she even spotted the '4' that she needed (closely followed by another two). It's going to seem quiet in the house tonight ...

2004-09-12T12:50:00.000+01:00

Nikolai Dante

2004-09-12T12:49:00.000+01:00

Professor Mark Donnelly

Zen and the art of the eight point parry sequence

2004-09-11T20:02:00.000+01:00

Well, I'm bloody knackered.

Starting at ten this morning I've been studying the art of fencing with an 15th century Italian rapier for just under eight hours. Starting with the basic fighting stance, four defensive wards, movement, measure, lunges, beats, cuts and finishing with the mind boggling eight point parry sequence that defends and repostes against any possible line of attack with a blade, I think we covered just about everything. Whether or not I'll remember it tomorrow, or even be able to move, is another matter entirely.

Of course, this was really just a brief taster of the techniques, with each point requiring at least a couple of hours of study and practice to grasp the basic theory. When you have it all down pat with the right hand, you go back and learn how to do it left handed and then learn to fight with a buckler, a main gauche dagger, a cloak and finally with two rapiers at the same time.

The instructor, Mark Donnelly, was an absolute fount of knowledge and taught us with boundless enthusiasm and the patience of a saint for the entire day. I couldn't help thinking, though, that he bore an uncanny resemblance to the classic 2000AD character Nikolai Dante ...

Busy Busy Busy

2004-09-10T19:15:00.000+01:00

6:10 Wake up and look at the alarm clock
6:20 Alarm goes off. Cancel it straight away so it doesn't wake Jan up
6:21 Get up
6:25 Take a load of washing downstairs and stick it in the machine
6:30 Clean up in the kitchen, put the pans away, wipe the cooker
6:40 Feed the cats
6:45 Make a pot of tea
6:47 Eat a bowl of bran flakes with cranberries
6:50 Pour the tea and take a cup upstairs for Jan
6:55 Wake the kids up
7:00 Drink tea and listen to news headlines on radio 4
7:06 Put my tracksuit bottoms and jacket on over my pyjamas
7:08 Crow bar kids out of bed
7:10 Get Barney's lead on
7:12 Go for a walk
7:30 Get home and get some weetabix for Jamie
7:35 Get in the shower, clean teeth and get dressed
7:50 Start reminding Alicia to get ready to leave the house
7:58 Send Jamie up the road to Sophie's house, kiss Jan goodbye
8:00 Leave the house to drop Alicia at school
8:15 Drop Alicia at school and head back
8:30 Get home
8:35 Get washing out, put some in the drier and hang the rest up
8:45 Push the hoover round
8:56 Log on to work and get the first support call of the day

Phew.

For a few number plates more ...

2004-09-09T14:38:00.000+01:00

Walking into town this lunchtime I saw a 14 driving along the road. Hmmmph, typical, I thought and started composing a text message to send to Jan to tell her of the capricious nature of the CNPS Gods.

I was just wondering whether to capitalize the G or not, and had decided against it, when I looked across the road and saw another 14, innocently parked in the middle of a whole row of new style number plates.

This is getting spooky ...

For a fistful of number plates

2004-09-09T13:27:00.000+01:00

As previously mentioned I have been looking for a 12 in my cnps game for several weeks now. I was walking along the road, concentrating on trucking right, when I chanced to look up. Time seemed to slow down. A red sports car was parked at the side of the road, and in the middle of the jumble of letters and numbers was the magic 12. As my brain registered the number, the world started to dissolve and I knew that I was dreaming (and then I got off the bus, 28 years old I was, etc. etc.)

I was then in the car park at work, thinking about the dream that I had just had and how spooky an omen it would be if I actually did see a number 12 for real. Just as before, I saw a car. My heart was pounding. Was it? Could it be? Yes!

The only problem was that I then woke up again, to the sounds of the Today programme on the clock radio. My head was still fuzzy from the meta effects of the dream within a dream and I checked carefully that I was actually awake this time.

On the way to school with Alicia, the dream was still going round in my head, and I watched the traffic coming the other way as we crawled along in a queue. After a minute or two, we spotted the 3 that Alicia had been looking for, although she missed a 4 mere seconds later as she was getting something out of her bag. Foolish child!

We left the main road, and turned up towards the school. There's a sort of chicane traffic calming one way thing on the way, and I paused to let a car through in front of me. I did a double take at the number plate and shouted at the top of my voice

"TWELVE!!!"

All hail the Gods of CNPS.

PS I actually just went back and capitalised the G in Gods then to avoid offending them ... Am I taking this too seriously?

Back 2 Skool!

2004-09-08T11:56:00.000+01:00

Summer's gone and it's the start of a new term. Both Alicia and Jamie struggled to get out of bed this morning but, with a little encouragement, they managed it and we were out of the door for ten to eight. I dropped Alicia at her school and headed for the Leeds office for the first time in over a month. I'm really missing the decent Columbian filter coffee that I drink at home and the watery and tasteless instant stuff they have here is no substitute. Still, a walk into Leeds at lunchtime should perk me up a little.

There seem to have been a lot of people leaving the Leeds office recently - there are at least five or six cards and collections doing the rounds, mostly for people I don't know very well or haven't even heard of. I wonder if I should leave, to see who will contribute to my leaving present? I've been in this job for over ten years now, through four incarnations of the company from a small software house with under thirty employees to a multi-company group structure over ten times the size. My roles in that time have mutated from a lowly developer, to a project manager with sites in
London and Edinburgh to the strange niche of technical guru and internal systems developer that I have carved out for myself. I sometimes wonder about moving somewhere else, but I don't need any more money than I am on now and I am generally happy with the sort of things I do on a day to day basis. Even though I moan about driving to Birmingham and further afield, it really isn't all that bad given that I have a very comfy car to do the driving in (with a new one in a months time - yay!).

What else would I choose to do, if I were inclined to make a change? Writing has always been something that I have wanted to do, but I don't know if I have the motivation to take it seriously. I suppose that this blog is partly an experiment to flex my writing muscles and see if anything evolves from it. I have been quite pleased with some of the pieces that I have written, but most of it seems to be lacking a certain something. Mind you, I am not sitting down and redrafting things which I suppose I should do if I am not happy with them.

Ah, well - blog and be damned ...

Magic

2004-09-07T13:57:00.000+01:00

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo" as Arthur C Clarke didn't quite say.

An early start and a half hour delay on the M42 meant that I was rather desperate for the loo by the time I got to Dudley this morning, and then it was straight into the demo with the big boss. My testing notes from last week had been turned into a list of outstanding development items, and, to his credit, the manager from the consultancy company turned in a fairly smooth demonstration of the system so far. The big boss seemed quite happy and made some not-too-radical suggestions for improvements which I think will fit in without too many problems. After the main meeting I reviewed the issues as agreed and specified the reporting functionality. Rather worryingly, the programmer and his manager seem to have completely missed the point of the reporting hierarchy - so that team leaders and line managers can see and report on their teams alone - but going through the specification document again seemed to make it clear to them. I need to send them some live data to work with now which should look a little more realistic than the cast of 'the Archers' who currently inhabit the employee list.

No luck with my current (somewhat half hearted) game of CNPS - I have been looking for a 12 for two weeks now, and I've seen the numbers from 13 - 18 in sequence at least twice today whilst sat stationary on the M42. In the words of Buzz Lightyear, you're mocking me, aren't you ...

All I need to do now is remember to include the tag for the end of the post, like so :

Nifty

2004-09-06T20:01:00.000+01:00

The more I use this little poot (a Sharp PC-MM1110) the more impressed I am.

It doesn't have a cd drive, but all you have to do is plonk it in the docking cradle and connect it to a usb port on another pc and you have a direct connection to the hard disk as an extra drive. With a little bit of fiddling around I managed to copy all of my Planescape:Torment cds to the unused D drive, install the game and tweak the ini file so it all runs off the hard disk.

The end result is that I can now continue my game of Planescape on a computer that is smaller and weighs less than the hardback version of the D&D players handbook. Nifty!

The other day we were browsing in a games shop in Orchard Square when Jamie found a copy of the new Monster Manual on the shelf. He started thumbing through it saying "Cor! Beholders! Look at these Mind Flayers! Have they got Smoke Dragons?" What have I started ... :-)

2004-09-06T10:37:00.000+01:00

Misty morning

The price of pain ease

2004-09-05T19:08:00.000+01:00

I make no secret of the fact that I have a very happy life. I am very lucky to have a family that I love, pets who are constant source of comfort and amusement, a job that I (mostly) like and that I live in a perfectly situated house with enough resources to do things that I enjoy. I filled in this survey that somebody put up on Richard Herring's guestbook saying pretty much the same.

What, then, is my response to the events in Beslan and
this heartfelt post from Billy?

Should I feel guilty for the priviledged life that I lead? Should I be content with reading and watching as much of the news as I can bear before turning my face away? Is donating a little to charity each month sufficient to salve my conscience?

I don't really know ... I feel a mute anger at the despicable acts of the hostage takers, but the brutal acts of the Russian forces in Chechnya should not be forgotten either.

Sitting here on my sofa on a warm late summer's evening, with a view of the flower strewn profusion of my garden and the prospect of a cold beer in a short while I really can't understand what would drive somebody to shoot a child, or to strap on a suicide bomber's belt and destroy a crowded bus, or to fire rockets into houses from a helicopter gunship, or to put a dog lead on a frightened and naked prisoner.

Are there any answers? Perhaps not ...

Hmmm

2004-09-05T19:07:00.000+01:00

Working now, it seems

Is it me?

2004-09-05T18:39:00.000+01:00

... or is blogger acting up this evening?

BBC - Test The Nation - Pop Music

2004-09-04T20:27:00.000+01:00

BBC - Test The Nation - is the quiz of the day. I got 56 out of 70 which apparently makes me a musical genius, but I was let down by my patchy knowledge of 90s boy bands ...

The advantage of doing the quiz on-line is that you don't have to sit through two hours of Anne Robinson and Phillip Schofield to answer a quiz that you should be able to rattle through in fifteen minutes or so. Who's going to have a go at this one then? Paging Billy ...

To sleep, perchance to dream ...

2004-09-03T20:06:00.000+01:00

I fell asleep in front of the tv last night, for the first time in ages. I could feel myself nodding off around a quarter to ten but struggled on before nodding off three quarters of an hour later half way through a programme I was watching. It must be some sort of primitive response to the nights starting to draw in or perhaps I am just missing my afternoon naps now that I am back at work?

I've been having some strange, vivid dreams as well - last night's was trying to navigate on a bicycle through heavy traffic whilst somebody was giving me instructions via a mobile phone earpiece that kept slipping out. Perhaps it's that the first run of testing on the timesheet application has revealed that the programmer has left out some things that are rather important in the underlying database with no time to put them back in before the demonstration to the big boss on Tuesday? Hmmmm ...

What am I like?

2004-09-02T21:13:00.000+01:00

According to this test I am a realist
. Apparently realists are :

* Loyal and steady workers who meet deadlines
* Believe in established rules and respect facts
* Think of themselves as mature, stable and conscientious
* May appear too logical or tough-minded and forget their impact on other people

This sounds about right for me - anybody else going to have a go?

2004-09-02T18:51:00.000+01:00

Snoozy Cat #1

2004-09-02T18:49:00.000+01:00

Snoozy Cat #2

Autumn mornings

2004-09-01T12:32:00.000+01:00

I think that this is my favorite time of the year.

The humid days of summer have ceded to the clear skies and crisp mornings of the fall. There is still the promise of some fine weather to come, but there is a freshness and purpose to the world as it starts to prepare for the rigours of the winter. The leaves haven't yet started to fall, but there is a feeling of drawing in and hunkering down.

The start of September always makes me think of the start of a new school year. That sense of nervous anticipation, of new beginnings and fresh opportunities. At work, I have two important projects just about to get under way - the timesheets and the new invoicing module - but after my walk this morning, rather than the sense of wanting to procrastinate and avoid them, I am feeling excited and ready to get stuck in.

Bring it on!

2004-09-01T12:31:00.000+01:00

Foxfield Spring Woods, this morning

2004-09-01T12:28:00.000+01:00

Frank the cat, then ...